1. Give him the key. The vast majority of women cannot orgasm through sexual intercourse alone; instead, they require direct clitoral stimulation. Despite knowing that clitoral stimulation can lead to an orgasm, many women (and even more men) still hold the false belief that women should orgasm during intercourse. Male partners become better lovers when they understand the realities of female bodily functioning, not the myths. Just like a teen can't learn to drive if you don't give her the car keys, your partner can't be a better lover if you don't know and don't show him the keys to your body.
2. Slow down! Although there are large differences, men take an average of 4 minutes to orgasm once they start intercourse, while women take about 11 minutes. It's not 11 minutes of sex, it's 11 minutes of stimulation. This amount increases with stress and fatigue. Just like your kids can't drive well when speeding, your partner can't be a good lover if both of you are in a hurry to finish.
3. Stop pretending. Research shows that more than half of women fake an orgasm. Reasons for doing this, like protecting your partner's feelings, orgasm: You can't fake it until you make it. Pretending won't improve your lover's skills. The result is quite the opposite: He'll think you like what he's doing and keep doing it instead of learning what you need to have a real orgasm.
4. Couples are encouraged to talk about sex like any other topic. It would be inconceivable if we told our spouses that we were uncomfortable talking about parenting and used that as a legitimate reason to reject the discussion. Sex needs to be a topic of open conversation.
5. Talk about table sex. Do not bring up sexual dissatisfaction in bed. The danger of doing this is that it can bring negative associations to the places you want to be fun, exciting, and positive. It is best to have these conversations in a safe, non-sexual place, such as at the dinner table. Also, make sure the timing of these discussions is right; having discussions when you're pressed for time or exhausted can be futile.
6. Start your sentence with "I." For example, "I think if you..." instead of "You don't seem to know how to get me excited" will help me get excited.
7. Compliment with moans and words. People often moan during sex. These sounds, accompanied by heavy breathing, are a way of telling our partner what we like. Actual words during sex can also be used to give positive feedback. Telling your lover "feels good" reinforces what he's doing. There's an added bonus: Studies have shown that making a sound increases the excitement of making it.
8. Review the experience. Often, the couples who have the best sex are those who discuss sex after the fact, including what went well and what could have been better.